Danny: 0:00

Have you ever noticed how, if you say one slightly negative thing about Taylor Swift, someone in the room immediately will tense up Like you just insulted their actual best friend? Look, I get it, she's talented. But let's be real, you don't actually know her and yet, for some reason, some people feel like they know her personally. Welcome to Mental Health Potluck, where everyone brings something to the table. I'm Danny Clark, licensed clinical social worker and family therapist, and this podcast is all about serving up bite-sized mental health insights, practical wellness tips and real conversations that nourish the mind and soul.

Danny: 0:38

Today, we're talking about parasocial relationships. These are one-sided connections we form with influencers, celebrities, even fictional characters. They're totally normal, but in the age of social media, they've gone next level. So we're pulling back the curtain on what it's really like to be a content creator, the mental toll of always being on, and how both influencers and followers can keep their sanity in a world that never stops scrolling. So what exactly is a parasocial relationship? Well, it's a one-sided emotional bond where a person feels a strong connection to a public figure without any real interaction between them. The follower might feel like they truly know the person, even though the relationship only exists from a distance. This isn't a new phenomenon. In fact, the term parasocial interaction was first introduced in 1956 by two psychologists, Donald Horton and Richard Wall. They noticed that television viewers formed imagined relationships with TV personalities, feeling a sense of familiarity and emotional closeness, despite never meeting them in real life.

Danny: 1:41

Fast forward to today and social media has turned the volume way up on these connections. Platforms like TikTok, Instagram and YouTube let influencers share their daily lives in ways that make them feel like a friend, except, you know, without the whole two-way relationship part. In fact, research from 2022 found that followers who consistently engage with social media influencers develop strong emotional attachments. This happens because they see aspects of themselves in the influencer, and social media creates an illusion of closeness. And it doesn't just tug at emotions.

Danny: 2:12

These relationships can also affect behavior. Studies show they influence purchasing decisions, brand loyalty and sometimes even life choices, Like when someone switches to oat milk just because their favorite influencer drinks it. Something else that's kind of interesting is that there's a company called the Morning Consult and they're a survey and data company that helps brands figure out what makes us tick. They did a survey back in 2023, and they found that 61% of Gen Z and millennials felt they had a trusted connection with online influencers 61%. That's more trust than some people have in their own families. So why does this happen? Well, human brains crave connection. We're wired for relationships. Social media gives influencers a platform to share intimate details of their lives, and that tricks our brain into believing we're part of their world.

James: 3:01

I see the parasocial relationship thing in my comments all the time.

Danny: 3:05

James Clark is a social media influencer with over 4 million followers across TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Twitch and Snapchat. He's also a talented singer-songwriter with a growing audience on Apple Music and Spotify, where he independently produces his own music, and I'm actually one of his biggest fans, not because of his content, but because, well, I'm his dad.

James: 3:24

I don't read my comments that much but I do see it in my comments when I'm first reading my comments, because normally the people that are the earliest to my videos before if they haven't blown up or anything the people that are like on top of it and like always kind of seeing my posts before they blow up they want to be the earliest ones to the post. They'll be the ones that are saying stuff that I can tell are pretty like hello. I don't even know this person.

Danny: 3:50

So why do we form these intense bonds with people we've never met? Well, it turns out our brains are hardwired for connection and belonging. That's just human nature. We crave relationships, and social media supercharges that by making influencers feel accessible, like they're right there with us. Think about it when an influencer looks straight into the camera and talks directly to you, your brain doesn't go ah yes, this is a mass broadcast to thousands, if not millions, of people. Nope, instead, it registers that moment as a personal interaction. That's why it can feel like they're talking just to you, even though they don't even know you exist.

James: 4:26

So my my content style I try to be relatable and that causes me to talk how you would in like a normal conversation with someone, rather than, if you see, like informational videos, they're talking at you. Almost where I try to make my videos, where it's I'm talking with the person, but in reality I'm just talking to myself.

Danny: 4:51

I'm paid to talk to myself, so another reason for why these relationships happen is because of relatability. Parasocial relationships grow stronger when we feel a personal connection to an influencer, whether through shared experiences, values or aspirations. We might see a bit of ourselves in them, or maybe they represent the version of ourselves we're hoping to become, and for some people, these relationships fill a deeper emotional need, like loneliness or a craving for social connection. Psychologists Horton and Wall originally described this as an unconscious attempt to reduce social isolation. Basically, if you're feeling disconnected in real life, forming a bond with an online personality can help fill that gap. In other words, parasocial relationships aren't just some quirky internet phenomenon. They tap into real, fundamental human needs belonging, connection and validation. Belonging, connection and validation. And while there's nothing wrong with enjoying these connections, being aware of them helps us set realistic expectations about our online interactions, Because, at the end of the day, your favorite influencer isn't actually your friend, no matter how much they look in the camera and say, hey, Bestie.

James: 6:02

It is a little stressful seeing, like, in person, if I get noticed or something. And well, it can make it hard to have conversations with people that do already know you online because I don't know the person. So it's like they already have this preconceived notion of who I am as a person, when in reality it could just all be fake. I could just entirely lie about everything that I do online, which I don't. But they think they know me, and so it's like this one-sided conversation where I'm meeting this person for the first time and they're meeting me for technically the first time, but they have this knowledge of things that I talk about, or things that I think or the way that I do things. Yeah, they even know what the inside of my room looks like, which usually you would only want that to be one person me that knows what the inside of it.

Danny: 6:55

Parasocial relationships might feel great for followers, giving them a sense of connection, but for influencers it can be a little complicated. Keeping up an online persona isn't just about posting fun content. It's a constant cycle of creating, engaging and performing, often under the pressure of an audience that feels like they know you and that pressure it can add up. Research shows that influencers frequently deal with performance pressure. This is the stress of always meeting audience expectations. They have to be funny, insightful, relatable and on all the time and when your livelihood depends on keeping people engaged, there's a real fear of slipping up. Over time. This can lead to identity conflicts, that feeling of being caught between the person you really are and the persona your audience expects you to be. It's the psychological tug of war between the online version of you and the real you. When those two versions start to blur, it can create serious emotional discomfort, making influencers question who they actually are outside of the content they create. And that's not just stressful, it can take a real toll on mental health.

James: 7:58

People expect me to be exactly how I am online when they see me in person. So like, if I get noticed in person and someone has this interaction with me, and they expect me to be this like loud, talkative person, which I am with my friends, and that's the main reason why I started in the first place was because I was just making videos to make my friends laugh. But it makes it hard for in-person interactions with people that I don't know because they expect me to be this like loud person or very talkative, and I don't and I'm not like that. When I first meet people, just I'm a lot more relaxed and calm and so I'll get that. Oh, I didn't expect you to act like this in person. It's like, well, we don't know each other.

Danny: 8:42

Influencers also deal with what's called context collapse, which is just a fancy way of saying different groups of people who expect different things from you. All exist in the same online space, watching everything you do. Imagine trying to be yourself while knowing that your parents, high school friends, professional contacts and thousands or even millions of strangers are all simultaneously watching. It's exhausting. The results more anxiety, more pressure and a constant balancing act of trying to please everyone while staying true to yourself.

James: 9:15

My content is very it's kind of all over the place.

James: 9:19

I I do it on purpose like that, just so that I can get interactions with almost anything I post, because if you narrow down just to one specific thing, it can make it hard to branch out to other things.

James: 9:31

And so I have people that follow me specifically for my music, or they follow me specifically for my little rants that I do online, or they follow me specifically for some little rants that I do online, or they follow me specifically for some talent that I have or I make like a fishing video or video games, and so I'm kind of all over the place and so I have different, I guess, personas for each of those things. But I still try to stay true to myself when I'm doing that. If someone comes up to me and they're like, oh, I love your music, I'm like, oh, thank you so much. It's honestly, I like that one the most because it's the most it's my most creative side of what I do is my music. But if someone comes up to me and I'm like, oh, I love your videos, you're so funny, then I'll have a different response to that.

Danny: 10:15

So if parasocial relationships can take a toll on influencers, what about the people on the other side of the screen? The short answer is yeah, there are risks for followers too. To be fair, it's not all bad. These connections can provide comfort, emotional support and a real sense of belonging, especially during times of loneliness or isolation. Sometimes, following an influencer can be uplifting, inspiring or even motivating. But there is a flip side. Research shows that frequent engagement in parasocial relationships can also increase anxiety, lower self-esteem and create unrealistic expectations for personal relationships. Why? Well, because when we constantly consume highly curated, filtered and polished versions of other people's lives, it's impossible not to compare In comparison, especially when it's one-sided. It's a fast track to feeling inadequate. And this isn't just something that happens, it's designed to happen. Influencers aren't just entertainers, they're also marketers. And the stronger your emotional bond with them, the more effective they are at selling things to you. That's why brands love working with influencers. They know that followers are way more likely to trust an influencer's recommendations over a random ad. So influencers create intimate feeling.

Danny: 11:35

Content talking casually, sharing personal stories, weaving products into their daily lives. Content Talking casually, sharing personal stories, weaving products into their daily lives, so that when they say hey, you guys, have you tried this? It feels more like a friend suggesting it than a sales pitch, and it really works Really well. But here's where it gets even trickier. Social media platforms aren't just passive hosts for this content. They're actively shaping what you see, using algorithms designed to keep you engaged as long as possible. Here's how it works Every time you like, share or linger on a post, the algorithm analyzes your behavior. Then it feeds you more of what you react to, more of the influencer, more of their aesthetic, more of their products they promote. Over time, this deepens your emotional investment, making you feel even more connected to the influencers. Because, well, they're always there and because this content is curated just for you. It reinforces a very specific perception of reality, one where everyone seems more successful, more attractive, more put together than you, more successful, more attractive, more put together than you.

Danny: 12:42

That's where the mental health risk really kicks in. Constant exposure to idealized lifestyles can lead to anxiety, depression, reduced self-esteem and this nagging feeling that your life just isn't measuring up. Parasocial relationships aren't inherently bad. They fulfill a real human need for connection. But being aware of how social media intensifies these bonds and profits from them is key to keeping a healthy perspective, because, at the end of the day, the algorithm doesn't actually care about your well-being, it just wants to keep you scrolling. So you know, what we really don't ever hear too much about is how influencers actually take care of themselves. From the outside, it looks like they have it all followers, sponsorships, cool trips and lots of other things they get to try. That's new that we probably would never get to try, but the reality too much too fast can be overwhelming. When your whole world revolves around staying visible, the pressure to always be on can mess with your head.

James: 13:40

Usually, when I'm trying to keep myself in a state of mind where I'm not stressing out about social media, I well, first off, I try not to read my comments very often. I'll read them for the first, maybe five minutes after I post something, but after that I stopped looking at the comments on that specific video. And then if I go through something where it's like it's almost like writer's block but for creating videos, it makes it to where, if you're forcefully coming out with videos like you're trying to come up with ideas because you feel the need to post, rather than you're posting something that you actually think is funny, or you want to post because it just came into your mind, usually the ones that you force out don't do as well because it's not as natural. So I'll catch myself doing that sometimes and I'll go two, three days without posting just to have a more natural video come out.

Danny: 14:30

Then come to me naturally, versus trying to force something out there and that's just the thing, whether you're an influencer or just someone trying to grow online, social media isn't just a platform, it's an algorithm, and the algorithm doesn't care about your wellbeing. That's why I always tell people to think about their role in the larger scope of social media when they create content. I'd like to use this acronym ASAP, not like it's some kind of emergency, but as a reminder to stay aware, set boundaries, ask for help and to prioritize self-care.

James: 15:01

Well, I noticed that things are getting too stressful or things are getting to be a little bit too much. Usually I'll just shut off my phone, I won't, I won't look at any social media. Um cause it even gets to the point where I'll I'll be comparing my own interaction with my videos with other content creators and I'll point that out to myself and be like all right, this is, this isn't healthy. I need to not do this, and so I'll just go, you know, skateboard, play guitar or something, do something on my own without having to record it.

Danny: 15:32

So let's break this down a bit. So awareness means checking in with yourself. How do you actually feel about the content you're creating? If posting starts to feel like an obligation instead of something you enjoy, that's a red flag. Burnout doesn't happen overnight. It creeps up when you stop paying attention. Setting boundaries is just as important.

Danny: 15:50

Social media will take as much of your time and energy as you let it, so you have to decide where the line is. That means creating work hours, muting notifications and reminding yourself that you don't owe anyone constant access to your life and listen. If social media is messing with your mental health, ask for help, and I don't just mean venting in a group chat. Sometimes, talking to a therapist or someone who can actually help you manage stress before it spirals is the best investment you can make in yourself. And, lastly, prioritizing self-care, because social media moves fast, but you don't have to Take breaks. Step away, go outside, do something completely unrelated to your online presence. The more you take care of yourself, the more sustainable this whole thing becomes, because, after all, no amount of followers is worth sacrificing your mental health. Now let's flip the script, because, while influencers are dealing with the pressure of always being on, followers have their own struggles too, especially when it comes to parasocial relationships. And look, I get the irony of talking about this on a podcast that you probably found through social media. There's so much content out there about the effects of social media, but the tricky part is actually noticing when it's happening to you. But the tricky part is actually noticing when it's happening to you. It's easy to feel like an influencer is a friend, like they really get you, and that's not necessarily bad. But when we're not paying attention, those relationships can start to feel a little too real, to the point where an influencer's life takes up more space in your mind than your own. That's why the ASAP method isn't just for influencers and content creators, it's just as important for followers.

Danny: 17:33

The key is staying aware of how social media is making you feel, setting limits that protect your mental space and making sure your real-world relationships aren't getting replaced by digital ones. So here's a good first step Just start to notice why you're following certain people. What's drawing you in? Are you looking for entertainment, inspiration, validation? And here's the big one how do you feel after watching their content, if it's making you constantly compare your life to theirs, or if you're just feeling worse instead of better. That's worth paying attention to and, honestly, social media can be like an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Danny: 18:05

It's designed to keep you consuming, but just because it's there doesn't mean you have to overload yourself with it. If you're spending more time thinking about an influencer's life than your own, that's your sign to step back. Unfollow if you need to Protect your mental space. The algorithm is built to keep you hooked, but you don't have to play along. Another thing to ask yourself is are you engaging with this content because it actually adds something to your life, or is it just a habit? A lot of the time, we don't even realize how much we're scrolling until we put the phone down and feel completely drained. Pay attention to that.

Danny: 18:40

If your social media habits are leaving you exhausted, it's time to energize. It's time to reassess and, after all, real life happens offline. Social media is a highlight reel, but the stuff that actually matters, the relationships that truly sustain us, exist outside the screen. When your real world connections are solid, you don't feel as pulled into parasocial relationships because you're already getting that sense of belonging from real people. Social media should add to your life, not replace it, whether you're a follower or a creator.

Danny: 19:12

The ASAP method is really just about staying mindful, protecting your energy and making sure that an online world that never stops moving isn't pulling you away from what actually matters. So there you have it. Parasocial relationships aren't inherently bad. They're just human. We're wired for connection, and social media just amplifies that. The real question isn't whether we engage with it, it's how we engage with it. Social media isn't going anywhere, but that doesn't mean it has to run our lives. The ASAP method is just one way to take control of the experience, to make sure that, instead of draining us, it's actually adding something meaningful. A huge shout out to James for sharing his perspective. I truly appreciate you, man, and to everyone listening, remember this your worth isn't measured in likes, follows or who notices you online. The most important connections you'll ever have are the ones that exist outside of the screen. I'm Danny Clark and remember, stay grounded, stay authentic and, most of all, keep your mental health front and center. Bye.