Danny: 0:00

So here's a thought what if I told you that starting a leadership position at a new company means you have to practice like a therapist? You see, being a new manager at a company is a lot like being a therapist meeting a new client. Think about it A therapist doesn't walk into the first session, sit down and immediately say all right, I see what's wrong here, here's what you needed to fix. All that, that would be ridiculous and it'd be rather unethical. Instead, they listen, they observe, they try to understand the person's history, their struggles and their strengths, because you can't help someone if you don't understand their world. Now take that same idea and apply it to leadership. If you walk into a new company and immediately start changing things before understanding the culture, before learning who actually holds power, before figuring out what's worked and what hasn't, you're going to get resistance. And I'm not talking about polite resistance, I'm talking about full-on, passive-aggressive oh, we've always done it this way here resistance. The best leaders, just like the best therapists, know that before you lead, you have to listen, and before you fix, you have to understand, and that is what we're talking about today. Fix you have to understand, and that is what we're talking about today.

Danny: 1:08

I'm Danny Clark, licensed clinical social worker and family therapist, and this podcast is all about serving up bite-sized mental health insights, practical wellness tips and real conversations that nourish the mind and soul. And today we're diving into how taking a therapist approach can make you a better leader from day one. So the first time I meet with a new therapy client, I don't just start giving advice. If I do, they're either going to ignore me, get defensive or nod along politely, while internally deciding never to come back. Instead, I listen, I ask questions, I try to get a sense of their world, how they see things, what they value, what's important to them.

Danny: 1:49

Stepping into a new company as a leader works the same exact way. You see, you're entering an environment that already exists without you, this team you're starting with. They've got their own way of doing things, whether it's good, bad or somewhere in between. They already have a rhythm, a culture and unspoken rules about how things work. And you, you're the new variable.

Danny: 2:09

But let's be honest, it can feel really weird, because now you're in this strange middle ground where you're a leader but also totally new. On one hand, people expect you to have authority to lead, make decisions and set the tone. On the other hand, you barely know where the bathroom is yet. So now you're carrying two big pressures at the same time. The first one is that you're trying to figure out the company. The second one is you're trying to figure out your leadership identity, because leading isn't just about managing tasks, it's about stepping into the role in a way that actually feels like you. That tension that's called role strain, and it happens when the expectations placed on you don't fully match your confidence, your comfort level or even your understanding of the situation altogether. And let me tell you, if you don't recognize that you're in role strain, it's easy to start questioning if you are leading the right way or even deserve to be there in the first place. But here's the truth. It's completely normal. It's the leadership equivalent of breaking in a new pair of shoes. It's going to feel stiff and awkward, but it starts to feel natural after a while. So if you're feeling that tension, you're not failing, you're adjusting.

Danny: 3:23

Now here's where things get to be a little bit tricky. Some people are excited about new leadership. Maybe they've been waiting for someone who will actually listen and make things better. Other people they've seen leaders come and go. They're skeptical. They might even assume that you're here to shake things up in a way that doesn't benefit them. And then there's the group that just doesn't know what to make of you yet, and they're waiting to see if you're going to be one of those corporate overlords who comes in with a PowerPoint full of efficiency improvements and no real understanding of what actually happens in the day to day. If you don't take the time to understand the existing culture before you start making changes, you're setting yourself up for resistance, and not just polite resistance. This is that full-on, passive, aggressive oh, we've always done it this way resistance, which is why the smartest thing you can do in your first few weeks is to treat it like a therapist intake session Not fixing, not proving yourself, just learning yourself, just learning.

Danny: 4:28

So let's take this a step further. When I meet a new client, I don't just listen to what's being said out loud. I pay attention to the power, dynamics, background experiences and unspoken struggles that might be shaping the client's world. And, as a new leader, if you're not paying attention to who has power, who's overlooked and how different people experience the workplace differently, you're missing a huge part of the picture. Not everyone experiences the same company the same way. For example, we know that women experience the workplace differently from men. We know that some people who've worked in the same company for 10 years that they're going to have a completely different relationship to the company than someone who has just started last year. And if you walk in assuming that everyone has the same experience, that the way you see things is the way that they see things, you're going to miss a lot. So, as you're getting to know the company, be curious about the differences in experiences. Who speaks up in meetings, who stays quiet, who seems like they're carrying more weight than they should be and, most importantly, what's not being said out loud, because sometimes the real problems aren't in the policies, they're in the unspoken culture.

Danny: 5:38

So one of the biggest parts of all this is that in therapy, the therapist's biggest role is to create trust, or build trust with the client. In leadership, you really can't lead people who don't trust you, and trust isn't automatic. It's built through consistent, small interactions over time. Therapists know this. If a client doesn't trust them, they're not going to open up, they're not going to do the work and they're definitely not going to listen to feedback. Same thing with leadership If your team doesn't trust you. They're not going to come to you with problems, they're not going to buy into your vision and they're not going to put in the effort beyond what's required.

Danny: 6:16

So how do you build trust when you're brand new? Honestly, you show people that you see them. You see, when people feel heard, understood and respected, they start to trust. That's why those first few weeks they're not about proving yourself, they're about showing up for your team. And, yeah, that means being okay with not having all the answers right away. It means saying things like I want to understand more before I make any big decisions. It means asking what do you need for me to do your best work? And actually listening to the answer. When people see that you're taking the time to understand their environment before trying to change it, they'll be more open to following your lead when that time comes. So here's something to think about.

Danny: 7:03

Leadership isn't just about setting goals, making decisions or running meetings. It's about understanding people, understanding their motivations, their struggles, their strengths and how they navigate the world around them, much like therapists do. And when you're stepping into a new company, you're not just stepping into a job, you're stepping into an existing system, an environment that has its own history, its own culture and its own way of doing things. If you rush in trying to change everything before understanding what you're working with, you're going to hit some walls. But if you take the time to listen first, to observe, to actually understand the people you're leading, that's where the real leadership begins. So here's the challenge For the next week don't focus on proving yourself.

Danny: 7:45

Focus on understanding your environment better. Pay attention to how people interact, who holds influence and where the unspoken rules exist. Ask questions. Let people share their perspectives before you impose your own. And if you're feeling that role, strain the tension between being the leader and being the new person. Remind yourself it's temporary. The discomfort doesn't mean you don't belong. It means you're still becoming the leader you really want to be.

Danny: 8:11

I hope this was helpful for you. If this episode got you thinking, if it gave you even one moment where you were like oh hey, that makes sense. Do me a favor and share it with somebody. Send it to a colleague, a mentor, someone else stepping into a new role, because leadership can be isolating, but it doesn't have to be. We grow better when we share what we're learning. And if you want to keep the conversation going, reach out. Let me know what resonated with you, what challenged you or even what you'd like to add to the discussion. Well, I appreciate you being here today and listening to Mental Health Potluck. I'm Danny Clark, and until next time, lead with curiosity, listen before you act and trust that you're growing into exactly the kind of leader you're meant to be.